A Covering of Autumn Leaves

Here in the UK, the leaves are turning to colours of autumn gold and red and falling to the ground.

One day last week, a small uneven track on which I run each morning had a covering of autumn leaves over it.

The view down the secluded path, was very beautiful, as if a carpet had been strewn out in my honour as I traversed along it.

My mind turned to the uneven path which lay beneath the leaves,  and how the covering of autumn leaves had somehow disguised the reality of its inherent risks  – certainly a falling hazard on which I always take the utmost care.

But then, to be cushioned from the harshness of the ground by the leaves was comforting and the crispy crunch underneath my feet, gave me a sense of warmth and security as I ran along it.

I sensed within me a tangible example of what it is like to feel safe, in the midst of danger, trouble and strife which accompanies me through the upheavals of my state of my mind, as I come to terms with how life is, rather than how I imagine it should be.

Those leaves made me feel safe, because I already understood the harsh reality of the ground underneath them, and I think, that this is the main point of my post today.

My experience of safety and comfort, has only taken on meaning and significance because I have come to know, through deep and consistent practice, (with the help and guidance of my wonderful coach) the fullness of my truth, as a gay man trying to make my heterosexual marriage more loving and secure.

This aspiration of mine is helped by a covering of leaves – let’s translate this to a kiss or a hug or a smile or deeper intimacy, but soon those leaves will turn dank and damp, slippery and wet, and once more the ground will be revealed, not as a stranger to me but as a friend.

My marriage can only continue to be secure; loving; laughing; sharing; and hopeful, if I can tread upon the ground, which I have come to know over many years to be rocky, gravelly and uneven, when my feet know the places on which to put down my weight with security, dexterity and mastery which I have learned.

My next blog will be: Melancholy Intro

William Defoe

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