On Friday morning, at my moment of waking, I became acutely aware that my low mood had reached its peak.

It had been building and building and whereas in the past it’s transition has been vocalized and angry, now through development, I track it’s cycle as if I am anticipating a hurricane heading for the shores of my consciousness with feelings of utmost anxiety and an inner desolation.

At this low ebb, I revel in the beauty of the clarity of thinking I experience.  I notice the impact of sheer purity, darkness and rawness.

I took my time to get ready for work.

I functioned in automatic mode, without betraying for a moment the inner turmoil within.

Utter hopelessness and desolation.

As I drove to work, I listened to a track* over and over  – I track which I love very much and I felt connected to what seemed to me to be a melancholy intro which suited my mood and brought upon me a tear.

As I arrived at work, I sat motionless in the car, feeling within my body the breath which sustains my life and rejecting once again all thoughts which look forward to its end.

The tide has turned, time again to face life  – the mood has swung, subtle, firm, resolute.

The track itself, which I love so well, has buried within it the solitary words “I love you”

I love you..

I love you…

Time to face the day, the clouds lift within me as I begin to function.

The clarity of the low mood is fuzzed over with experiencing life, making connections, bringing humour, bringing skill, bringing me.

My next blog will be: Appetite Satiated

William Defoe

*Post inspired by : The Communards track “La Dolarosa”