Zoned Out

Our adult daughter joined us for a few days at the end of a recent holiday.

She observed last year that I seemed quieter and calmer, but this year she described my periods of silence in a comment to her mother as “Dad’s zoned out again”

Internally her words sounded and felt in my chest cavity, where I feel bodily my mental pain, like a judgement, but I was able to discern that they were merely an observation because no malice was attached to her words.

This aspect of what my adult daughter describes as “zoned out” is an important element of my practice to be with self, inwardly reflecting whilst outwardly taking in the world around me even to hearing the conversations around me on the beach.

I have reflected that this ability to be “zoned out” protects me, and those whom I love, from my previous tendency to have to have my say on everything whilst being continually on the look out for behaviours or opinions on which I could offer / dictate my correction, my view, my opinion, my way  – it was exhausting.

Being “zoned out” means that I can hear and see things which I don’t necessarily agree with, or perhaps I might wish were different, and I can reflect and wonder at the difference between me and my adult children and ponder on the origins and the influences which shape those differences.

My inner reflection enables me to offer my own opinion, if the opportunity arises, or if I particularly feel that my words could help them in some difficulty at a more appropriate time in the future.

If this more reflective, kinder, less reactive person is what I have become as a result, in part, of being “zoned out” then I am happy for this change in me to have been observed and commented on whilst we were on holiday.

My next blog will be: An Honest Wish

William Defoe

 

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