I seem to be in the midst of a deep longing which despite all my efforts I am unable to silence.
I recognise that these longings don’t need to be silenced, they need to be heard.
So what are they?
I want my Mum, I want my Dad
These words come to mind so often and they don’t make sense to me. I able to see my elderly parents whenever I want to so what is at the heart of my longing.
I ponder and I think this is cry from inside for comfort, for my need to feel safe – I never quite feel safe. Perhaps I have things to say and I have not found the words I want to say and time may be short.
I want to feel loved
Oh dear, think man, you are loved by so many family and friends and this is demonstrated by them in oh so many ways.
I want to feel liked
Oh that old nugget. Sometimes it is clear that people like me and sometimes it is not.
This is a key area for me to work on in my continued development of self because I will never be satisfied if I am continually in search of acceptance from the same people time and time again.
I want to change career
But think of the potential loss of income and think of those who depend on you for their financial security.
Think of the risk you would be taking giving up a career that you worked hard to qualify for and the risk that your dreams for something different may not be fulfilling in the way you expect.
I want to feel closer to my faith
Then make time for it. Perhaps a little space for prayer each day and a longer spell on a retreat at a centre in the New Year.
So, I want, I want, I want
And, I will listen, listen and listen
I will find new ways to respond to the call from within me to understand my needs because everything is possible, whenever I create within me, a space for compassion, gentleness, patience and resolve.
My next blog will be: Tormented Soul