Untenable

For a few hours last Saturday night I experienced a feeling that my life had become untenable.

Those feelings, in that moment, were so overwhelming that for those brief hours there seemed to be no way out of the situation that I was in.

A build of a tension within me have resulted in a row with my wife and unbelievably, considering all the effort I go to avoid this, I had sharp words with my daughter too.

We were all going out for the evening to a big family occasion and on the surface I was calm, but inside I was a mess and hopelessly incapable in that moment of overcoming my feelings of disappointment, frustration, anger and rejection.

The following day, I sensed a shift in my demeanor, which resulted in me washing the cars and cleaning them inside and out, washing the windows, being attentive to my wife.

I sent a message of apology to my daughter and I was able to ignore her acceptance of it “with strings” (by this I mean I did not react!).

In other words, I chose to move on from feeling that my life was untenable to embracing the life that I have.

I think that being able to move forward from anguish and pain, requires a certain amount of personal resilience, which I have invested in quite heavily in recent years through Integral Coaching.

A deepening self awareness through spending periods of time each day in silence with myself has given me the capacity to say sorry and move on.

My next blog will be:     Rolling Hills

William Defoe

 Picture Credit: http://www.clydefitchreport.com

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