A few years ago I lost approximately three stones in weight through managing my diet and regular exercise of running and swimming.

When I subsequently found my life untenable as a result of my repressed sexuality within my marriage and my Catholic faith, I struggled to keep up with my dietary and exercise routine so that the weight that I had lost rapidly reversed.

After many false starts at exercising, I have in recent weeks established a routine for running again and I have noticed that this is a response to my inner teacher for me to create a mindset for physical exercise which has its origins in mental strength and mental discipline.

Whilst running, I am in tune with my body and I am aware when I am tired physically or mentally.

I have noticed my breathing and my capacity to push myself at periods during the run or simply my need to just get round the course and finish.

When I am running I find myself chanting to myself “I want to lose weight, I want to lose weight” I speak the words out into the air when I am pushing myself to gain speed and stamina.

I have been fascinated by what I can only describe as my “fat rhythm”.

I focus on the layer of fat around my stomach area as it seems to move counter-step to my footfall. The fat seems to come back to the right as I stretch out my left leg and vice-versa and it seems weird.

Although I am on a mission to rid myself of this excess body fat, I feel strangely connected to it, because being aware of its rhythmical movement, I feel that this part of my body is actively supporting my mental effort to keep going.

So I am conscious in the present that I am more than a head with an intention to lose weight, I am a whole bodily system, and as I call out for God to help me on the tough bits (up hills!) , I connect to my spiritual self as well.

[I’ve lost 6lb’s in weight – only 22lb’s to go !]

My next blog will be:    Untenable

William Defoe