Earlier this week I suffered the horrible experience of a Torrid Day.
I was aware that even whilst I was amidst my suffering caused the effects of a family disagreement, I still retained capacity to go about my normal daily business.
Perhaps more importantly, I was aware that these torrid days occur with far less frequency than they used to do in years past, and that I have a capacity to welcome them as a valid part of my journey in life.
I have been reflecting, as I have emerged fairly quickly from the dark episode into sepia light, that my journey involves a fairly heavy load of managing my connectivity with my family which was damaged in the past by my periods of anger and silence and controlling (from a good heart) behaviors.
Earlier this week on the eve of my torrid day, my own control mechanisms were broken by my need to advise my daughter that I had felt hurt by her absence from home this summer and her attitude to university which frustrates me because I sense she is not fulfilling her potential.
I am reminded of a scene in “The Secret Garden” by Frances Hodgson Burnett in which Mrs Medlock the housekeeper having previously experienced control over the lives of the children (whom she cares for deeply) is told by the master to give them the run of the house and gardens.
She tolerates the behavior of the children as they roam the house and gardens at will until an incident tips her control into anger and she falls back into her assertive and protective role by separating the children and putting the house back into the order she craves.
I was able to recognise the Mrs Medlock in my actions and I was able quickly to contact my beautiful daughter and assure her that my words were advice for her to think about and not for me to control her life choices which are her own.
So, my coaching and continued development is helping me to draw light from the darkness and to use it as just another hard rock on my journey forward.
My next blog will be: Out-sized Inferiority Complex