My children enjoyed watching and reading the animated series of Spot the Dog by Eric Hill.

I have retained for some reason within my memory a line of dialogue which Spot mutters aloud following receipt of two unwelcome pieces of information from his mum, Sally:-

“Can’t camp out: salad for tea”   (implied by Spot as a double-negative)

The line amused me and I have repeated it over the years, particularly when my children as they were growing up, complained to me or their mother about some aspect of our perceived restrictions on their immediate happiness.

On my current journey of self discovery and self acceptance the sentence speaks to my inner voice of two important aspects of the depth of my internal struggle:

1/ The influence of others i.e. external forces on my ability to be in control of my well-being; 

2/ The sense that my problems are multiple and that to overcome them can feel overwhelming at times.

I have been engaged for nearly three years. after many years of darkness, isolation and fear, of confronting directly attempts to contain or restrict my sense of self from external forces.

I have arrived at a place, which I work hard to maintain, through periods of reflection and calm to assert my sense of self, both to myself, and to others and to avoid all temptations to conform to another’s view or expectation of what I should be.

In dealing with a sense of multiple problems to overcome, I have widened my perspective on life to make my problems have a context of being small in the canvas of all my life and of all life and that problems don’t necessarily have to be overcome/solved, but rather nurtured and re-visited over time so that new perspectives on their impact on me, and on those close to me, begin to show themselves.

My next blog will be: Faith – v – Community

William Defoe