Sometimes I notice a thought or feeling shows up strongly in my consciousness.

I was walking from my living room to the kitchen when I had a thought that shook me intensely – here it is:

“It’s not your faith that you fear losing, it’s your community that you fear losing”

I’ll say it again:-

“It’s not your faith that you fear losing, it’s your community that you fear losing”

I have struggled to accommodate my Catholic faith with my suppressed gay sexuality for over twenty years but I have realised in recent years that to end my feelings of isolation, fear and anger I must find within myself the capacity to reconcile these two aspects of my identity.

My latest thoughts revealed to me that it is not my faith that I have feared losing, it is the sense of church that comes from belonging to a community that I have been scared of losing, but as acceptance of self has matured, I increasingly get the feeling that I would be more likely to be loved rather than judged by most of them.

My next blog will be: “A beautiful kiss”

William Defoe