I recently was prompted in my inner reflection of remembering how my long years of suffering were described as being a kind of  “wounded narcissism” by my coach.

I recall feeling slightly uneasy at mention of the term and on getting home I looked up what it meant to clarify her explanation of it.

Wounded Narcissism is when an emotional injury causes the sufferer to direct anger at others and also at self (this is not meant to be a text book definition)

There is of course a spectrum and narcissistic tendencies can result in serious aloofness to anger expressed in murderous actions.

My experience of wounded narcissism was directed at those close to me and I cannot really judge the harm I caused them which I regret so much, but I can assess the harm caused to self by my intense rejection of my gay sexuality and the pain I suffered as I tried to be in a world that did not know me, feeling isolated and scared.

There are times when I wish that I had never mentioned my truth to the world, and then I reflect on the shift within me that has transformed my life in the present so that I can be calm in the midst of turmoil and supportive to those who need me.

My wounds have healed, but I carry those scars and I know that I will carry these for life, but with time, I am hopeful they will fade.

When the pain does surface, as it inevitably will, the balm I need to heal is to be calm, to love myself, and to love even more those who have helped me overcome my wounded narcissism, especially my wife, my children, my parents and siblings and my amazing coach all of whom have liberated me from the pain of self.

If you are directing anger at others and also at self, liberate yourself in the present by seeking help to reveal your truth.

My next blog will be:   Entrapment

William Defoe