Last week as I was walking from my office at work into the kitchen, I said audibly out loud “I’m tired of worrying”
No one heard me!
Except one – me!
I knew that to express that thought into the space I occupied physically was a call for help from my inner voice.
I felt tired, anxious, overwhelmed and I have been less able in recent weeks to keep to my schedule of prioritising self whilst in the midst of pressure at work, upheaval at home with home improvements taking place, being out of sorts with my wife, anxious about financial pressures.
I was not immediately able to respond for my need for calm, but a note to self told me that I must make this a priority as soon as I could.
Over the weekend, I have found time to sit in silence, walk with my wife along the tow path of our local canal which is stunning, and I have found time to separate out in my head the issues that have been crowding in, many of which are behind me.
I have noticed that my fears and worrying are often about future things that I have control over in the present, and I recognise that fatigue makes me feel less able to appreciate this.
I think I was in need of a rest, so the worrying is a symptom of being tired in the present moment, rather than the tiredness being a symptom of worrying as it was in large elements of my past.
My next blog will be Wounded Narcissism