I am beginning to emerge from a difficult period, which, on reflection, has lasted since the end of summer.

A deep routed vein in my troubled emotional life, is a feeling that I am not loved by those whom I believe ought to love me. 

I have observed recently, very clear evidence that in fact I am very much loved by my wife, my daughters, my ageing parents, my brothers and sisters, my close friends and even work colleagues through words I hear about their love and respect for me, the acts of kindness they direct towards me and the efforts they make, even when I make the going very difficult indeed.

So, I have observed that I am loved, but I still don’t feel it. 

I don’t feel it because of a barrier which I have constructed, during many years of experiencing pain, fear and isolation and if I want to feel the love that I have observed, I need to start the work of deconstruction!

The way I think I can start this work is to live in the present (not the difficult past!) and be calm and giving of my truth – I encourage you to do the same if you, like me,  want to feel the love!

My next blog will be: Driving Home

William Defoe