At the very start of the coaching experience, which I began with a very wonderful human being at the start of 2013, I was directed by her to the story of The Ugly Duckling, by Danish author, Hans Christian Andersen.
The obvious purpose of her direction for me to this work of literary art, was the need to find within me, the exiled parts of myself which I could not love.
Last night, after eating my evening meal in the garden (a rare occurrence for people who live in the North of England), I had a sudden urge to go for a walk.
My wife joined, me as we set off along the local canal which was simply beautiful in the evening sunshine, and the scene spoke to my heart of what an English summer means to me.
The water lilies, and the grass peeping through the water, the canal sides stocked with moored barges, and foliage of green and summer flowers of blue and yellows and pinks and mauve were a scene of exquisite beauty which warmed my heart.
I felt alive, and even hopeful which in a strange way illuminated the deep sadness with which I have been imbued for some considerable time.
Oh joy, to see on our way back, two of the Queen’s swans (Her Majesty owns them all!) dappling on the water, and settled in the midst of them, four adult size cygnets, fluffy grey – four ugly ducklings, which in a very short time will emerge into brilliant white feathers of snowy white down.
These cygnets, called to me of the start of my journey to know and love self, and for a time that belief seemed to take a hold of me, until sometime last year, the strain of having to manage my identify privately and suppressed began once more to overwhelm me.
My evening stroll stirred my heart and it reminded me that I must learn once more to love myself, to recognise the glorious and exciting transition which will surely come to me, if I can find the capacity and the courage to be who I was born to be.