Recently, I was able to spend a few days at the coast with my wife here in the United Kingdom and we were visited by various members of our family during our stay.

My prevailing mood was good, and I was able to rest and relax in the days of pleasant sunshine.

Underneath the surface throughout my summer break, my heart churned as I tried desperately to come to terms with the nagging question in my head that cried interminably for space.

I thought that a holiday was by definition, a place for space, but what my heart really needed was solitude.

My life is at a crossroads, and in recent weeks, I have turned left, walked a few metres and then turned back, and continued straight ahead, repeating the sideways manoeuvre many, many times.

The path on which I have lived my life, has been a good one, and it feels the safest option to stay on it and be fulfilled in married and family life until the end of my life.

However, the call from within yearns for turn to the left at the crossroads, and calls on me to embrace fully my reality and truth of soul to be a gay man.

My summer break did not afford me the time or the space to answer the call, so I keep going ahead, over each crossroad, bearing the anguish of indecision and the burden of truth, until I can find the solitude I need to fathom the unfathomable call of my soul for peace.

My next blog will be: The Socialisation Of My Sexuality

William Defoe