The wedding vows which I made nearly 30 years ago contain these words:-

“to have and to hold from this day forward”

and these words too

“for better for worse, in sickness and in health”

I think we are all more inclined to hold when things are going well, particularly when there is a time of celebration and joy within the circle of our family and friends.

I think we are more inclined to hold when we are confronted with a physical sickness or a death within the circle of our family and friends.

Is the promise to hold (in a heterosexual marriage) made by the man, to the woman, or is it supposed to be an act of love and care which is both given and received in equal measure?

I have felt recently a yearning to be held, but my words and actions have hardly made that wish a realistic aspiration.

It’s not easy to expect someone to hold you when things are not so well, but this is the time when it matters the most.

It is in the worst times, and especially in times when the mind feels weak, that words should be hushed and all the effort, all the restorative love, all the future and the now should be put into a hug.

To hold is to be with someone you love, in that dark place, despite the pain and despite the hurt and that for me is the full meaning of my wedding vows.

My next blog will be: Teenage Tears

William Defoe