I have this continual feeling of being out of sync with those around me, with whom I share my life.

The best image I can conjure up of the situation, is the varying orbits of planetary paths in the solar system, which skirt around the sun on their own axis and orbital path.

Every so often the planets align, perhaps in a direct line from the sun, and depending on their proximity, they create an eclipse or a shadow over which their imprint is bathed on the other.

There is strength in having my own unique orbit within my family, because it signifies to me the importance of my individualism and freedom to be who I am, but this feeling of being out of sync, does not feel to me like a strength, it feels like a burden.

This otherness in my spirit, separates me in mind and spirit; and even in the body for periods of time from those whom I love.

It makes it hard for me to feel loved and to be loved and to give my love.

This feeling is so heavy and destructive that it saps my strength and cools my good intentions.

I have been trying to overcome this feeling of being out of sync by making an effort to connect.

These attempts to be in community, to connect with family, individually and privately and quietly is like swimming against the tide, but I must do so in order to save what is precious to me.

Experience teaches me that these periods come and they go, and that no matter how far my orbit traverses outwardly, eventually the gravity of my star will pull be back towards the light, back towards the warmth, back from out of sync.

My next blog will be: Text Exchange

William Defoe