Excuses

My daughter was laughing recently, as she recalled how a former boyfriend had called her, just before a planned date to tell her that he could no longer make it to the date because his fathers girlfriends cat had died.

Excuses!

I have been thinking about the times in which I have avoided a real or imagined outcome by making excuses to myself and others.

Excuses!

I have lived for long periods of my life thinking that if I communicate how I truly feel, I will lose something which is precious to me, perhaps my marriage or a relationship with my children or friends.

Excuses!

In recent years, through my development of self, I have created within me a space which allows me to bring more of my truth, and in some cases all of my truth to the key people in my life.

Excuses!

In 2012, after 25 years of marriage, I told my wife, whom I love, that I was in fact gay.

My inner narrative was that I could no longer live in a world of excuses and that she deserved to be told the truth, and that she would leave me.

Excuses!

The reality was that I had in fact created a space for dialogue, and because of my faithfulness to her throughout my years of struggle and isolation we moved together to a place of deeper understanding and compassion.

Excuses!

And perhaps, now, four years later the outcome would have been different, perhaps I might be separated or divorced, estranged from my children, perhaps lost some friends and gained some new ones – the mystery of all the what if’s we ask ourselves each day!

Excuses!

But I have come to appreciate that in order to move forward in my life, I had to end the excuses, and deal with the consequences in order for my soul to thrive.

No Excuses!

My next blog will be: Creating Space

William Defoe

 

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