I

For the last six years I have been writing a diary.

In addition to my diary, I keep a journal in which I write more in depth analysis of some of my experiences, particularly when I have experienced deep emotional pain.

The focus in these written words is “I” and that seems logical to me, when the purpose in writing, is to record my experiences as a man who suffers deep inner conflict in a world in which for many years I could not bring my truth.

In the early years of my diary and journals I could not bring my truth either, so conflicted and judgmental was I on my own truth and the fear I carried within me in isolation, of it ever being known.

I am in a process of development to better understand how I can bring my truth to the world, in ways which honour who I am, but which also recognize the needs of others, particularly those whom I love so that they too feel safe.

My journey is not easy, because this focus on self, which at times has the appearance of self-absorption and introversion, is actually on closer scrutiny, about how I can be who I actually am, whilst at the same time, keeping a perspective that I am not the universe, I am a simple but complex and adorable particle of the universe, like you!

For me, the deepening knowledge, and more importantly the acknowledgement of who I am, is to recognise with ever greater clarity, the proximity of I to all the other I’s with whom I interact in relationships, which are intimate, familial, social, casual, professional and spiritual.

My next blog will be: Excuses 

William Defoe

 

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