In his book, Let Your Life Speak by Parker J Palmer, which I re-read on holiday, the author talks about finding God within, under the surface of things when he was undergoing a deep episode of depression.
Increasingly, I am becoming aware of the God within me and in reading Mr Palmer’s explanation of his suffering, and the journey he undertook to find his soul, I was comforted to be able to relate my experiences to his.
My troubles have been centred on an adult life, lived in a state of anxiety and fear, holding deeply expressed religious beliefs which exacerbated this feeling of isolation and judgement on the feelings I held to myself in respect of an intense attraction to my own sex.
In recent years, I have been on my own journey of self discovery, not to overcome the despair of depression, but to overcome feelings of anxiety and worthlessness which made my life seem too hard to live.
I was fearful as I started to unravel my feelings, that in accepting my truth and nurturing my soul in the light of kindness and compassion, that somehow I would be torn away from the Catholic faith which I hold so dear.
What I think has happened, is that I have learned to recognise that I am made in the image and likeness of God, and that it is impossible for a loving God to not love all of me.
Increasingly, in my quiet moments, I sense the God within me, rather that in the heavens in some distant place, and I recognise Him in all living things on earth.
This integrated understanding of my humanity as a physical and spiritual being, connects me to the community with whom I outwardly express my faith, for Christians this is described as being a member of The Body of Christ, but also with those communities of different faiths and those of none.
I believe that it is the God within, who waits patiently underneath our cares and concerns of this life, for us to draw from the inner fountain of our soul – when we connect with self, we connect with soul, and for me, and perhaps with you, it is also a connection with our creator.
My next blog will be : Two Halves