In singing the hymn called “The Summons” composed by John L Bell and Graham Maude of The Iona Community, I was struck deeply by these words in verse 4:-

Will you love the ‘you’ you hide if I but call your name?

Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?

Will you use the faith you’ve found to reshape the world around, through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

These few beautiful words sum up the journey I have undertaken in recent years to find a way to love what I have rejected about myself and overcome the fear that I have associated with it;s perceived threat to my capacity to be happy.

I have confronted from within, the reality of my gay sexuality and by becoming acquainted and accepting of its profound truth, I have striven to accommodate within my life the intense feelings which I have for my own sex, whilst being able to continue in my life as a married man.

The ability to live a broader truth was found within, after my wife accepted me when I told her how it was with me.

Our love for each other and faithfulness in marriage has continued throughout the difficult transition, in which I have tried to love the love I had hidden for many years.

I can relate strongly to the sentiment in the hymn which asks me (and you!) to use the faith we’ve found to reshape the world around us. This move from inward focus to outward courage and accepting of others has been a major change in my life.

The concept of God being an integral part of self, whether  practicing a faith or not, speaks strongly to me of the spiritual aspect of our lives which I have found in deepening my faith, whilst at the same time, being less dogmatic in my understanding of it.

This concept also speaks to me of  what I would describe as my discovery of, and the importance of, silence and reflection in my life, which is more often not religious in its focus, rather a simple and honest dialogue with self which has revealed to me in a most special way who I am and where I belong in this world.

My next blog will be:  Taking Offence

William Defoe