Late last week, I took a five hour drive to visit my coach, for a much look forward to visit.

On the long drive, I had an opportunity to think about the issues which are prevalent in my mind at this moment in time, having sent to her a written update the previous evening.

The motion in the car, and the physical and routine demands of driving, and the hum of the engine and flow of the traffic, provided me with driving momentum in my capacity to be in the present with those issues which came into my mind.

By the time I had arrived at my accommodation in the late evening, in advance of my coaching session the following day, I had arrived at some important conclusions on how I was going to act next in respect of a couple of family problems which have been very difficult in the last few weeks. 

I have been feeling hurt that my wife has not noticed the changes that are profound within me, and her inability to acknowledge that change has been making me question seriously whether our marriage could be sustained.

In the car, I thought about how my focus on self over the last three years had been an inward focus, designed to change the impulsive and destructive mode of response to problems which I had encountered in my life.

The narrative of my journey has been “I” and I pondered on my journey what it would be like if I was to change the word in future to “We”.

As I sat reading my journals and preparation notes in the evening, I came across the notes I had taken from a conversation with my coach which we had held in November, in which this concept of the “I” narrative of my development had been discussed.

I understood that the driving momentum had brought forth within me, a fuller understanding of the words which had lacked impact at the time I had wrote them down.

The intention to shift the emphasis of my journey, to an outward and empathetic narrative may just be the means by which my wife is able to see at last, the inward transformation which I so want her to share.

My next blog will be: Ratty and Mole

William Defoe