Here in the UK, a debate is steadily building momentum in respect of whether this country should remain in the European Union (EU).
Those wanting to leave the EU are said to be in favour or Brexit (British Exit).
There is a level of dis-satisfaction with the EU and its bureaucracy and dodgy politics, its extravagance and irrelevance, its interference and its compromises which I share and this tends me to lean towards voting to get out.
But then there is the familiarity, the decades of peace, the friendship, the investment, the inclusiveness and shared values and the risk of losing something bigger that the sum of its parts if the UK was to leave the EU.
This confusion in respect of whether I should support Brexit or not reminds me of the ongoing struggle I have with finding the will to make a change to the unfortunate and unhappy realities of some aspects of my life.
Has my same sex attraction, its suppression for many years, and now my admission of its truth to my wife three years ago, made my marriage unworkable?
Would all concerned be better served if the relationship was secured under new arrangements outside of being married?.
The answers to these questions feel to me like a momentous step – as we are being told with Brexit – a vote for a step into the dark, the unknown, the unfamiliar, a decision that the UK will come to regret.
However, it is also true that with Brexit, it is quite possible that the release would be liberating, thrilling, a new start, the dawn of new possibilities.
My head tells me to vote for Brexit, my heart tells me that the UK is better to remain in the EU.
My head tells me to break out of my marriage (sometimes); but my heart and my soul want me to recognise that I am part of something special, part of something wonderful, despite the problems, which is something worth holding onto, something worth fighting to keep.
My next blog will be : Driving Momentum
This is so powerful: searing truthfulness and a beautiful, simple expression of something endlessly complex and unknowable
Janeena – thank you for your feedback and support of my writing and for pointing into the possibilities of expression. William Defoe