I have been asking self:-

• when will all my efforts to change be noticed by those whom I love?
• when will I feel forgiven for the errors I have made in the past?

I have had answers to these questions for quite some time but I have fallen into a perpetual habit of “efforting” to develop and change and to keep proving to self that the changes I have made are permanent.

They are not permanent, and it is well that this is so, because permanence points to a fixed place from which the journey onward has lost its capacity to contract and grow.

I am about to attend my next face to face coaching session later this week and I am looking forward to discussing a concept of the arc of time with my coach which we discussed briefly quite recently.

This is an opportunity for me to point into my development as a cycle, a rhythm of life which is less focused on the effort, and the anxious need for affirmation, but more about an undulating journey on which I learn to appreciate that the arc of time brings gifts and healing and hope.

I feel tired, exhausted after over three years of intense focus on self which has laid me wide open to the new and wonderful opportunities of living my life in the present.

I am in need of rest, so that I can enjoy the fruits of my efforts without worrying whether I have done enough or whether those who love me think I have.

My next blog will be: Destiny or Floating Around

William Defoe