Last weekend, whilst I was out walking with my sister and her family along the coast in Cornwall, our conversation turned to an issue which is not yet fully resolved in my own heart.
I attended to the topic in brief terms, but I resisted a temptation to throw out my uncertainty for general discussion.
There was a slight moment of awkward silence into which again I resisted the instinct to feed the gap by saying more than I was ready to say at this point in time.
The conversation turned to other matters and the idyllic day punctuated with laughter and a pint of beer / glass of wine at a lovely coastal pub was a very happy day indeed.
As we arrived back from our walk, the group dispersed for a couple of hours in advance of a rendez-vous for evening dinner a couple of hours later.
I, having walked for most of the day, and a little fatigued felt within me a compulsion to keep walking on along the coast alone – to be with self.
Once alone, I allowed myself to feel into the issues that had waited patiently for my attention, and I took a moment at an isolated place to fill my lungs and cry out sea-ward in an effort to release the stifling intensity that my emotions were storing up in my chest.
The release of sound and air from my lungs gave way to a few tears of release and I knew at once that all was calm again, I had listened to my inner voice, it acknowledged that I had heard it through my tears.
The interesting thing is, that the issues I am concerned about – [and there are several at the moment – some interlinked, some not – as I suspect there are for all of us, most of the time] – did not dissipate, they were not resolved, but they continue to do their work within me as I come to terms with what course of action to take or not as the case may be.
I noticed that in the moment, on the beach when this issue was raised, that I have discovered a powerful ability, which I have not hitherto known, to be brief and then silent – not awkward or sulking or needy or stressed, but calm, collected, measured and balanced whilst at the same time maintaining the joy in the present moment of being with them all in that beautiful place.
In choosing to walk on, I addressed the needs of self, and spent some time with the questions that seem to want an answer from me, and with time I now realise that the answers will come from within or from choosing the right time, the right and appropriate moment to ask those who love me most for help.
My next blog will be : Consolations