In the film “Philomena”, Judy Dench plays the title role about a woman whose son was forcibly adopted against her wishes 50 years earlier by nuns.

Philomena says something which has grabbed my attention, as things do when like me, you are in tune with things that talk to your inner voice.

She says:-

“I don’t know which was the greater sin”

1/ Having the baby out of wedlock, or

2/ keeping his existence a secret for all these years

Philomena has lived her life with this dilemma – Do I keep the fact that I had a child fifty years ago a secret or do I tell my family that I had a child and I have kept his existence a secret all these years.

These questions going round and round in her head for years without knowing which way to turn.

This is the part that touches my own story of not feeling able to bring forward and explain my truth to my family in respect of my sexuality.

So many years have gone by and to announce it now risks creating the potential for rejection, ridicule and perhaps anger.

It also creates the potential for healing, growth, acceptance and love and therefore I will continue to strive for the time when I can display the same courage as Philomena.

What I am clear about though is this. Philomena was not in a state of sin for fifty years so neither of her dilemmas can have the accolade of being the greater sin because that belongs to the nuns who sold her son to a family abroad against her will.

My next blog will be:  “I’ll say a prayer for you”

William Defoe