Anguished Memory

After a very pleasant evening with my wife and daughter at a restaurant in a coastal town which we all love, having spent many family holidays there, we walked along the seafront and stopped to take a few photographs by the railings next to the sea.

As I stood by the railing overlooking the sea with a beautiful coastline view in my eye, I was suddenly aware of an anguished memory of a time a few years ago when I had stood in this exact same spot having arrived on holiday with my family in the most dreadful mood.

On that particular evening, for reasons I can no longer recall I had set off on holiday after having had an argument with my wife and then my anger had turned to a silence (an internal anger) that I could not overcome.

The present moment was wonderful and happy, and yet I felt robbed of the joy by the presence in this moment of my anguished memory.

I felt so ashamed of my past behaviour and said to myself, be content that you are writing a pleasant memory tonight at this fateful spot and allow yourself to move on from it – forgive yourself – love yourself – be still.

I wondered if my wife who was standing next to me was also reliving her own anguished memory at that place, when she turned to our daughter and related to her a completely happy memory of her own that had also taken place at this same spot with some friends at the very end of one of our holidays – we had all nipped across the road from our hotel and shared a few bags of chips after a wonderful night of fun.

So, while I was creating a new memory to replace my anguished memory, my wife was accumulating further happy memories in this treasured place.

I have to keep reminding myself, that the memories that we create, although shared with others at the time of their making, are unique to us, in the importance that we individually place on them.

My wife appears to have chosen to keep near her surface a happy memory and that is something that I could do well to emulate on my journey of self acceptance.

“Fancy a glass of wine love”

“Oh yes please”

My next blog will be:   Open to all

William Defoe

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