I took my elderly parents out for the day last Monday.

I value so much the time that I have with them alone.

On the journey home my mother who has been very poorly talked to me about her funeral plans.

I have been worried about her for quite a few months as her heart condition has got noticeably worse.

I noticed that I was able to listen to what she had to say without making attempts to stop her or change the subject or even to re-assure her.

I asked her “Do you think of your funeral often? 

“Yes” came her reply “All the time”

I asked her “Have you written all these things down?”

“No” came her reply “I will do at some point”

We laugh at her contradiction – on the one hand she reckons she is at death’s door and on the other there is no rush to write it down.

My Dad, slightly deaf, sat in the back shouts forward, I might die first!

This provokes a litany of her worries if that should happen as he cares for her most lovingly and I re-assure her that whatever happens we will all rally round to support them.

When I got home, I felt restless and uptight.

I felt better once I had written down all that I could remember about her funeral plans and discussed our conversation with my sister.

So my inner awareness has taught me to notice, to listen, to write it down, to share my concerns and to be prepared for her funeral whenever it comes.

I do hope that I will have a few more days out with them before that day comes because being with them was a joy to me and memories of them will be a source of calm in times of sorrow.

My next blog will be: Laughing Stock

William Defoe