Over the last two years I have been undergoing a radical change in the way I interact in the world and in order to do this I have cultivated within me a place of calm by creating space in my life for solitude and reflection and making myself more accessible to my loved ones.

I have sensed within me a great change but underneath this change, deep down, is a level of anxiety which was more visible for most of my life, but has not gone away and I don’t expect that it ever will.

I have had the help through my transition to living in the present of a wonderful coach who has opened up within me new possibilities of living in the present whilst acknowledging the past which at times was full of pain and fear.

I can now move forward into a more confident future which has the capacity to resolve my inner conflicts and face up to the truth of my gay feelings within my marriage and my Catholic faith.

A few weeks ago I was pre-occupied with thinking that I needed to self generate my own continuous development and begin to gradually loosen my reliance on the guidance which my coach brings to my life.

Having agreed a looser arrangement, I suddenly felt vulnerable and scared for no other reason than I have recognised within me that my self generating capacity, which is real, needs her continuous support because she is my mentor and my friend and I respect and value her too much to ever let go.

My next blog will be :    Overwhelmed by a Garden Wind-Chime

William Defoe