For many years, and until very recently I would have said that the answer was “Yes, I am!”

I have been engaged in recent months in clarifying my thinking and recording my thoughts on this matter not only on paper but also in recognising a deep emotional shift.

So here are my thoughts:-

• I have been married to same woman for nearly 28 years
• I have been faithful in my marriage
• I love my wife and children
• I have invested a large part of my life to the development of my children
• I have worked for nearly 33 years and provided financial support to my family
• I love my own birth family very much
• i have a lovely home
• i have enjoyed the support of my parents and siblings
• I have some very close friends
• I have a very deep Catholic faith
• I have given my time and skills freely to the community
• I studied in my early 20’s and again in my mid 40’s
• I am a qualified accountant

But on the other hand:-

• I have suppressed my gay sexuality for many years within my marriage
• I have suffered terribly with anxiety, fear and pain of inner conflict
• I have managed to alienate my children by being far too controlling
• I have felt resentment towards my parents and siblings
• I have been quick to react with incredibly destructive anger when things have gone wrong
• I did not go to university and get a degree
• I have felt inferior professionaly
• I have always tended to spend more than I earn

So I have:-

• Confronted my pain and revealed my truth
• I have cultivated a place of calm and listened to my inner voice
• I have increased my capacity to accept the choices that my children have made
• I am calmer
• I have undertaken a course in Integral Coaching which is a lifelong never ending course of development
• I have shared my learning and development in this blog
• I have reconciled my faith concerns to my sexuality
• I continue to work to reconcile my sexuality to my marriage
• I have formed a supportive family network around me
• I have brought greater financial discipline into my life
• I have asked for medication to assist me with feelings of agitation and stress

So the question I have been asking myself is: Am I a FAILURE?

You already know the ANSWER!

My next blog will be: “You are not alone”

William Defoe