In the years of isolation which I suffered as a result of suppressing my sexuality, I have often displayed signs of stress and agitation, particularly towards my family, but also itching, waking early etc.
When I finally found the courage to reveal my torment to my wife and I experienced her acceptance and her love, I began my own journey of self-acceptance through a process I now know as Integral Coaching.
This particular approach to understanding my pain has not been in terms of finding a recovery; rather, my journey has been to see life as all-encompassing.
I have come to appreciate that my thoughts will sometimes drift into my past pain or into future anxieties and yet in the present I am learning to accept darkness and light, sadness and happiness and also my capacity to accommodate into my life being married and gay, and being Catholic and gay etc.
Recently, having experienced sustained periods of unhappiness and in response to my wife’s advice and my own needs, I reluctantly asked for some medication to calm me down when I am agitated.
At first I felt that I had failed in my attempt to move on in my life, but I have not failed, in fact I am continuing my journey of being open to all opportunities to find calm.
My wife said to me last weekend “have you remembered to take your “Chill Pill”?” As it happened I had. In that moment I sensed her satisfaction at the choice I had made to accommodate her needs as well as my own and it felt good.
She actually paid me a compliment about how nice I looked in my suit as I prepared to go to work yesterday – it was a most unexpected comment so I said to her “have you had one of my “Chill Pills”?” (Smile!)
My next blog will be: Family Networking
Are you happy though? Even with the ‘chill pill’ ?
It is a bit too early to say whether I am happier. I feel calmer. William Defoe