A few years ago, I recall overhearing my brother, who thought he was unobserved saying “no, that’s not the answer” over and over as he grappled with an issue unresolved in his heart.

I have experienced similar struggles during this tumultuous year, when I have tried to socialise my gay sexuality whilst hoping to remain married.

There has come a point now, where I feel compelled to make a choice about the kind of future I want to live, and as I have struggled to make that choice, I too have cried out in lamentation, “no, that’s not the answer”

Ultimately, I have now firmly resolved to stay married, and with this choice comes responsibilities to love and protect my wife whom I love very dearly.

This means that I have to experience a period of withdrawal and pain as I re calibrate my life to my chosen path.

I have also a sense, that my future path is not completely in my hands. My wife has her choice to make too, and she too has to overcome a period of pain and vulnerability which my actions in recent months have brought upon her.

With hope, for both of us, for a happier future, based on a settled desire to accompany each other through the remaining years of our lives, I pray that each of us will be able to feel in our hearts, as the pain subsides, that we have found the right answer at last.

My next blog will be: Know That You are Loved

William Defoe