It has been my firm resolve over the Christmas period to remain calm at all times.

I have been successful, but it has come at a price.

It has meant that I have actively dissuaded myself from the excitement  – the ups, because I have begun to understand that feelings of euphoria can swing all so easily to feelings of despondency and worse in me, anger.

I have been calm.

I have steered myself through a narrow course of feeling, and in doing so I have experienced a deeper sense of peace, a deeper sense of rest; a deeper sense of being alert to the issues around me.

These have at times caused me to feel pain and anxiety over situations within my family, and within my relationships which are no longer under my control, but there is hope, in that recognising the issues, I can at a later date work to use my influence sensitively and appropriately to help things improve.

I have sensed within me a need to be with self, and I have taken some time to do just that.

I drift off into my own thoughts, where at times, I feel overwhelmed with sadness and I have enjoyed being able to be with it so that I understand my hunger; my longings and my resistance and reasoning to these things more fully.

All this is contained within the throng of a full and lively Christmas with all my family and friends at different times throughout the season.

I have come to understand that a full and active family and social life is a blessing; and so too is the religious side of my life and especially in this Christmas season, but my intention to be calm has enabled me to be curious; interested; detached; and involved so that my tendency to anger and disappointment has been replaced with a tendency to just be.

My next blog will be: 2017

William Defoe