God’s Own Country

I have been in a dialogue with my wife, over how we can normalize my gay sexuality, and its effects on both of us, within our marriage.

This renewed sense of purpose, within me, has been inspired by my recent meeting with a beautiful married gay couple in London late last month.

They had recommended that I should watch a film by Francis Lee called “God’s Own Country” which is a gay love story set in Yorkshire.

One night last week, late and ready for sleep in bed, I quietly asked my wife if she would watch this film with me when it is released for public ownership on DVD next year.

I sensed her body tense at the suggestion, and she made a remark about this idea having been inspired by my trip to London.

I said that the suggestion that I should watch the film was inspired by the recommendation of these lovely friends, but that it was my own idea to suggest that we watch it together.

She responded that it was not something she felt that she wanted to watch.

It was left at that and sleep fell upon us.

Later in the week, my wife held me and said, I want to thank you for asking me if you could watch “God’s Own Country” – it felt like a trustful and brave request and I have been thinking about it and yes, you can watch the film.

The problem here was that I had not asked for her permission to watch the film, I had asked for her agreement to watch it with me when I do.

It was necessary to explain this point to her, because the nuance and difference in interpretation of our discussions needs to be given clarity, sensitivity and honesty if our  difficult situation is to survive.

My next blog will be: “Adorable Horses”

William Defoe

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