There is always a strange moment at the point at which I am pulling out into traffic when I feel a mixture of apprehension; of exhilaration; of a heightened awareness, and a kind of nervousness, until I am sure that I have established myself in the traffic flow, and I am fully aware of all the vehicles which are in proximity to mine.

In fast flowing traffic, there is a sense of having to catch up, to be at an immediate peak of responsiveness until the established flow allows me to settle into the journey.

These feelings which I experience as I am pulling out into traffic, are similar to those I experience when I walk into a room of people, particularly when for that moment the focus is actually on me.

The outward signs of formality in the moment of the various greetings and introductions, masks within me an inner nervousness which is hard for me to explain.

Increasingly, the needs of my soul, calls me to pay attention to all that is around me in the moment and it is hard to do this, in the moment, if the external environment requires a response or a reaction or a signal that I am in control.

I think the learning from the experience of pulling out into traffic for me, is that despite the intensity of the immediate moment of entry into the flow, there will be a time when the routine nature of the journey will allow me to focus inwardly, whilst remaining alert to the changing space in which my car is travelling (or substitute “life” for “car”).

It is the knowledge that a time will come for me to focus deeply on the introspective, which enables me to stay calm and alert in those moments of extrospection.

My next blog will be: Jill Saward

William Defoe