I have a growing tendency to experience aspects of my life with a deep intensity.
The feeling is overwhelming and yet I am not floored by it because I recognise that I am experiencing my inner life with a growing and deepening clarity and calm.
On the surface, I continue with my life and interact with those with whom I come into contact, but below the surface I experience very intense connections to my soul.
This aspect of connecting with self-hood, requires my attention which I give it in periods of meditation and silence.
I have been encouraged by my coach to describe it, to be with it, to notice its effect on my body.
My recent intensity has been in respect of the feelings I have for my own sex. I have limited opportunities to describe this inner life to my acquaintances and this isolation does weigh heavily on me at times.
I experienced these feelings as a black orb, a moon like sphere passing through a dark space – a beautiful silky blackness, not a scary black.
In my quiet meditation this orb of intensity passes through the cavity of my chest and I feel restless, momentarily breathless with a shimmer of palpitations which calls to me for compassion, generosity and above all for love.
This intensity, whilst in a state of deep calm, speaks to me of the anger and frustration which these feelings brought forth openly into the world before I was able to welcome and accept and acknowledge these aspects of self.
My feelings of deep intensity are a call for me to acknowledge my truth, a call from within for courage, a call from within for me to consider providing for a greater openness of self to the world however difficult this might seem to be at the current time.
My next blog will be: Hmmm