I have a growing tendency to experience aspects of my life with a deep intensity.

The feeling is overwhelming and yet I am not floored by it because I recognise that I am experiencing my inner life with a growing and deepening clarity and calm.

On the surface, I continue with my life and interact with those with whom I come into contact, but below the surface I experience very intense connections to my soul.

This aspect of connecting with self-hood, requires my attention which I give it in periods of meditation and silence.

I have been encouraged by my coach to describe it, to be with it, to notice its effect on my body.

My recent intensity has been in respect of the feelings I have for my own sex. I have limited opportunities to describe this inner life to my acquaintances and this isolation does weigh heavily on me at times.

I experienced these feelings as a black orb, a moon like sphere passing through a dark space – a beautiful silky blackness, not a scary black.

In my quiet meditation this orb of intensity passes through the cavity of my chest and I feel restless, momentarily breathless with a shimmer of palpitations which calls to me for compassion, generosity and above all for love.

This intensity, whilst in a state of deep calm, speaks to me of the anger and frustration which these feelings brought forth openly into the world before I was able to welcome and accept and acknowledge these aspects of self.

My feelings of deep intensity are a call for me to acknowledge my truth, a call from within for courage, a call from within for me to consider providing for a greater openness of self to the world however difficult this might seem to be at the current time.

My next blog will be: Hmmm

William Defoe


2 thoughts on “Intensity

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