Christmas Dread

I have finished work today for a Christmas break.

I am a true believer in Christ, I have a wonderful family, I will be entertaining and being entertained throughout the season and yet I have a feeling inside me of what I can only describe as Christmas Dread.

It is a feeling which I am actively trying to manage within my internal dialogue with self in this busy lead up to Christmas.

I feel a sense of guilt for this Christmas Dread because unlike so many people, who have a genuine fear of Christmas as a result of bereavement, loneliness, broken families, financial pressure, and homelessness etc, I am not justified, as perhaps they are, in feeling as I do.

I am beginning to sense that the fear within me is linked to being stressed, or linked to past disappointments (family arguments) from which I want to move on this year.

I want this Christmas to be different, and I am noticing that for a realistic prospect of a happier Christmas, I need to find a place within each day to be calm (with self in silence).

I also need to manage my tendency to have my say, I am resolved to bite my lip whenever I feel provoked, or temporarily absent myself from the source of the agitation.

I intend to manage my intake of food and alcohol and allow my body to rest with some good hours of sleep over the period and also I intend to exercise by taking long walks maintaining my routine 30 minute runs each day over the Christmas period.

I will be singing my heart out on Christmas Eve as a tenor in the church choir – I don’t dread Christmas, I love it – what I have come to recognise is that what I dread, is letting myself down again, in my interactions with those whom I love over Christmas.

This Christmas, having planned a strategy to take care of my emotional needs, I am determined to succeed.

I wish you all a very Happy Christmas and a life of being present throughout 2016.

My next blog will be: Body and Mind

William Defoe

 

 

 

 

 

 

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