In my more lucid moments, which now happen with much greater frequency and clarity as a result of regular periods of silent listening to self, I have noticed a pattern.
I have this innate need to feel liked, and when I come up against someone whom I perceive not to like me, I have this urge to resolve it, to make it right.
I am learning to just be with it. It is a challenge, but I am doing quite well at ignoring the impulsiveness to resolve it and settling for living in the discomfort of just being with it.
Kind of curious, kind of questioning, kind of exciting, the just being with it and not trying to mend a perception.
Notice I am talking about perceptions, not necessarily the reality here.
I perceive I am not liked and once I am on to it all manner of signals are used by me to prove my hypothesis.
For the last few months I have been concerned that a person in authority in my workplace, does not like me.
I keep having these feelings of hurt and pain when I allow myself to think that he does not respect me, he does not value me, he’s on to my inner turmoil, how can I overcome this and make everything all right?
The answer, just be with it and to do this, I contextualize the perceived difficulty into the broader context of those whom I know value me, respect me and love me.
My next blog will be: Hate List
Picture Credit: thecaregiverspace.org