About twelve months ago, my young adult daughter communicated a message to a member of our extended family which has caused me severe embarrassment and pain. (the message was not about me)
Although the matter was dealt with and an apology was offered by her and accepted, I continued to feel very hurt by her actions, in part because she has not acknowledged to me or her mother the pain which she has caused us.
In the last few months, a previously close relationship with the relatives whom had been offended, seemed to cool noticeably, to the extent that each week when we met at a shared event we stopped speaking.
I have tried though my Integral Coaching to accept “Living with Discomfort” but I realised that it was becoming a titanic struggle within me. The discomfort was on two levels, the first with my disappointment over the comments my daughter had made and secondly over the coolness in the presence of my relatives which had previously been so warm.
After many weeks of struggling, last week, I walked over and explained to my relatives how sad I was feeling about the situation, I repeated my sadness over what had happened and how I continued to suffer from its effects. I feared a backlash in the form of a rebuke, but I was hugged and kissed warmly.
I told them that I am having to live in discomfort over my daughters actions and that at some point in the future, I hope that I will get an opportunity to speak with her about the wider impact of her actions, but I explained that the time is not right just now and it may be years before it is!
So, I have broken a cycle of pain and I have given and experienced in return deep healing.
I will continue to live in the discomfort of my hurt feelings whilst I continue the gradual healing journey with my daughter through never failing to show her how much she is loved – everyday!
My next blog will be: “Cowboy”