My blogs so far, have been explaining to my readers the origins of my unhappiness, and my eventual courage to reach out to my brother and to my wife who have both offered me their support over the last two years, as I have tried to come to terms with my sexuality.
This blog is a link blog to help explain the professional coaching support that I have engaged with for the last two years and which I am certain will be a source of support to me for the rest of my life.
In January 2013, shortly after going to see my coach for the first time, she sent to me a programme which she had written to support me based on the pre-meet questionnaire that I had completed in advance of our meeting, and then of course, the further topics which we discussed at our meeting.
I don’t think I understood at the time what Integral Coaching actually meant. I now know it to mean the following:-
It is a programme that looks at the whole complex matrix of issues which the client presents themselves with and these are all explored horizontally (across) and vertically (down) and links are made and understood between the issues.
In my case I had suppressed for many years the fact that I was gay.
I had suffered a in silence because I did not want to lose my wife and children.
I came from a deeply conservative Roman Catholic heritage and I remain deeply committed to my faith.
I was extremely anxious and uptight – scared of how I was perceived at work
I had not recovered from the circumstances surrounding a job loss several years ago – this continued to affect my confidence at work.
I felt a deep resentment towards my parents and siblings and at the same time I felt guilty for doing so
I was at times difficult and controlling within my marriage – I had expectations that I expected my wife to deliver and the children to fulfill.
I wanted to lose weight but struggled to motivate myself to diet and exercise
I was constantly worried about the responsibilities I had re my family’s financial situation.
I never really enjoyed holidays, particularly when my children entered the difficult teenage phases of their lives.
I craved for peace, rest. – I could not face the prospect of a further 20 years of life in this “mind trap”
At times I felt suicidal.
I wanted to laugh again, dance and be happy.
Integral Coaching is about searching for long-term excellence by which i mean enabling a person to bring their greatest virtues to the world.
Integral Coaching is about developing an ability to self-correct by taking time to self observe ones own’s thoughts and actions and by seeing clearly what is going on find the strength to take action in such a way that brings your truth to the world.
Integral coaching is about self-generating which means having the ability to use the tools that you have developed through coaching and then be able to apply them in your life without the constant need for support but recognising when perhaps further guidance is required.
I had intended to list my programme in this post, but I think that would have had limited impact, it is therefore, my intention to share the learning from my programme in pretty much all my future blogs.
I am in a far better place mentally and physically than I was two years ago, but I continue to receive face to face support from my coach, however, this is because I want to explore the deeper aspects of the matrix that I explained above so that I can be the best I can be, which by the way will never be perfect, but it will be something that reflects the best I can be in the world.
My next blog will be – Dance