Alvor

I’m back after a lovely relaxing week on holiday with my wife in Alvor, Portugal!

I have noticed a capacity within me, which is strengthening, to hold the narrative of the present moment, whilst I have been away.

This means that I have not suffered, and those around me have not suffered either, from the times in the past when a deep foreboding descended on me as the days to the end of the holiday seemed to draw closer.

I had the same intuitive feeling that the holiday was coming to an end, but my inner teacher was able to bring me back to the present moment and was able to guide me to recognise that a holiday is just that with a start, a lovely middle and an appreciative and accepting end.

I felt able to say to my wife, what would you prefer to do today, and to allow her to lead and not feel in anyway that I was somehow sacrificing a deeply held preference.

I was able to read, reflect, pray, laugh, feel emotional, live in the questions that I cannot yet answer but at the same time, feel peace and calm.

So the needs of my body, the needs of my mind, the needs of my spiritual and emotional life were able to find elements of time in the present moment of each day to be listened to and attended to with the help of my wife who says wryly that she is noticing a change in me that feels safe and supportive and life giving in supporting her needs too

My wife sent to me a text message today which said “thank you for a lovely holiday, I enjoyed spending my time with you”

Now if that is not a sign of progress on my journey of self acceptance after 28 years of marriage and inner turmoil, I don’t know what is!

My next blog will be: Just Swim

William Defoe

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